Chartrand…

Job hunting? Take this test

David Chartrand

David Chartrand

The problem with higher education in America is that most college students choose the wrong major and the wrong career.

Unfortunately, no one realizes this until it’s too late. It is not uncommon, for example, for a college student to spend four years and $50,000 of his parents’ money attending a top-ranked engineering school only to decide that what he really wants is to own his own fireworks stand.

The marketplace is loaded with golden but overlooked opportunities for those struggling to match their hidden talents with hidden jobs. The best way to identify these career gems is the Instant Qualifications for Unusual Industries Test (I-QUIT). The purpose of the exam is to match unique businesses with the unique personalities of candidates whose job applications often trigger the type of uncontrolled corporate hilarity that soils rejection letters with clearly identifiable samples of mouth spittle.

Following are examples of I-QUIT test questions. Trust me, you can’t lose with this test. Unless you want to call four years of college a loss.

Examine the following list of career choices. Which are the ones you’d most like to do? Check all that apply.

a)   Fix electrical things

b)   Manage a political campaign

c)    Be a ticket taker for the “Thunder Mountain” roller coaster at Disney World as long as you get to ride it at least 10 times a day for free

d)   Hold a mindless desk job at an insurance company, in which you are given no responsibility for anything and never have to make decisions

——0——

These are other things I can do well:

a)   I know how to manipulate people and get them to do horrible things by convincing them that I am the Son of God

b)   I can forge and alter signatures

c)    I am good at filing documents but only if they are in legal-size, suspension folders and only if no one, and I mean no one, speaks to me or touches me while I am doing it because I am very nervous about being touched, but I am definitely not paranoid like some people think.

——0——

Answer “yes” or “no” to the following statements:

a)   I can operate a postage meter

b)   I can remove dog hair from upholstered furniture

c)    I can describe the function of white blood cells

d)   There’s a difference between Yes/No and True/False questions

——0——

During arguments with others you usually:

a)   Show your feelings freely.

b)   Keep your feelings to yourself.

c)    Detest people who freely show their feelings to the point of wanting to smash their face?

——0——

Complete this sentence. “I am very adept with the hi-tech tools such as ______”

a)   Laptop computer

b)   Compressed-air stapling machine

c)    Alarm clocks

——0——

Which of the following words creates positive feelings?

a)   create

b)   plagiarize

c)    tolerate

d)   bossy

e)   sabotage

f)     schedule

g)   unplanned

h)   bedlam

——0——

When facing difficult decisions you:

a)   See all possibilities in the situation

b)   Adjust to the facts as they are

c)    Make up your own facts and then act upon them

d)   Identify those who disagree with your facts and eliminate them from the power loop

——0——

You enjoy working with people who:

a)   Compliment you on your hair and your shoes

b)   Let you boss them around all the time

c)    Just do it and don’t stand around whining about it

——0——

Complete this sentence. “In performing a task that many other people perform, it usually appeals to me to …”

a)   Do it in the accepted way

b)   Do it my way, even if my way involves mail fraud

c)    Surround myself with people who understand that my way is the only way

——0——

You are up against a major deadline with many tasks to be completed. You manage your time by:

a)   Compose a “to do” list on a restaurant napkin then performing only the tasks that aren’t blotted out by pizza stains.

b)   Spending the day doing everything except the things on your “to do” list

c)    Become violently ill from the pressure to the point that everyone feels sorry for you so they pitch in to help on your project and then end up with no time for their own work

——0——

If you could be have any job in America it would be:

a)   Warren Buffet’s

b)   Guard at Buckingham Palace

c)    Notary public

d)    Person who administers personality tests

Davidonly

 

 

——0——

© 2014, David Chartrand

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: